love and happiness

so for quite a while now i have been hiding in this place where i swear no one can find me. but it seems that there are a lot of people in the same place. im searching for away out and to no light at the end of the tunnel. i feel helpless and insecure i try to find solace in your words and humor but alas that isn't enough to keep me hanging on. i wish you were here.
my life is nuts and its only going to get calmer but until then how long can i go on like this? how long can i sit here and pretend that everything is fine when my blood is so damaged and i sleep alone? where is the easy button? where were you when i needed you the most.

you were taking care of your own life. you were doing what you needed to do for yourself and at that point is when i faded away and didn't matter anymore. id rather be blind boy, then to watch you walk away from me again. i wont go through it. i will remain in this place of solitude where only i exist and where only i know that im searching for something better than you.

all the fishes in the sea couldnt make me see that in the long run im too big for this pond. its all bullshit. im angry and sad and happy all at the same time everyday. i dont think about you as much as everyone thinks and your text messages of wanting to hang out only prove that you are trying to control this situation. i am the one that left, you just made it really easy for me to realize that the grass is greener on the other side. im sick of these games you play.

i dont want to play anymore. i want real life and real happiness and real pure true love.
so if you cant give that to me i dont want anything to do with you.
i'll put my dancing shoes on and dance this heartache away becuase in the end....

I AM THE ONE THAT WON THIS GAME.
though, i don't want to play anymore.
its my favorite one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eRFyZHRi4E&feature=related

the decemberests.

i wish i could listen to this band and have it not bring back all the wonderful memories ive had in the last year and a half. i love this band so much. if i ever do get married they will play my wedding. it will be big with lots of people and purple and white...or maybe not. guess i shouldnt get too ahead of myself.
but oh the wicked wind will blow the ribbons from my curls and i will find myself wondering where did all the days of yesteryear go? where have all my thoughts gone and why do they return to me at the wrong moments.

gosh i could go on forever but im jsut gunna tattoo now.

where have all the good boys gone?

sooo, i've been sick. sick as sick could be. today is the first day that i can actually hear. god, being sick is the worst. but now, my neck is so sore and tight from sleeping in one position. yuck. anyway, thank god I'm back at work and waiting on my 2pm. apt who is totally late!!!! oh well, gives me sometime to update my blog i guess.

i am so happy to be back to work i missed it. i havent been here in 10 days longest ive ever gone without tattooing and i missed my true love so much. i miss alot of things right now though. like true friends and good conversations about taking over the world. i also miss being able to do laundry whenever i want. which is my problem right now. my neighbors don't realize that i would industry hours and i need to do laundry when i get off work at 10pm. they like to be rude and open the dryer so that my clothes sit there all wet. or they like to turn out power off if the tv is too loud. assholes.

on another note, i am going to quit smoking. i got some stupid self-help book that i hope proves to be smarter than it looks. its gunna be hard but i know i can do it. along with alot of other things that i am going to push myself to do. i have a list of things that need to get done by the end of this year and it seems to be flying by.

i'm starting a regiment of 2 to 3 paintings a week so that i can get up on my game for when i do take off to guest spot in OZ or any other place of my fancy. and i like the idea of trading paintings with a special someone on the other side of the country. as long as hes up for the challenge as well. which im sure he is.

ive got this feeling that if i could get everything in order my life will fall right into place. the place that i really need it to be. which is why my heart is so full of hope.

because i know where all the good boys have gone, gone far away from me.

so glad to be home....but where is that exactly?

Vegas was one of the best ideas i have ever had. i had the best time. and it was really needed. I couldn't be happier with the Friends that i made there and the awesome photos they took. liquor, jumping, cheers, dancing, double down, dive bar, swimming, some amazing french fries and Mayo. i think i have figured out this weekend that the only one who could ever complete me is someone who loves mayo just as much as i do. LOL. but honestly, its a big deal.

i played blackjack for my first time until 6 in the morning and i didn't win but it didn't matter because my teamster and i were having the time of our lives. i wish it didn't have t end but i am glad to be back in san diego, though i really wish i was somewhere else. I'm very sick of being in San Diego. i need a change for about a year or more. and especially if these earthquakes are going to continue to happen. I'm getting on a plane and going straight to Europe or AUS. don't know which one yet.

i got to See my family and talk with my Bio-Dad after ten years. it went really well, and surprisingly i didn't cry. but when i wanted to cry was when i got to my grand parents house and saw how bad my grandfather was doing. bed ridden but still with a smile on his face. my grandmother on the other hand is bat fucking crazy and evil as hell. she didn't even look like herself. very sad.

so all in all, it was a good time. I may be sick right now but it was worth it. and i have some serious planning to do.

studio studio where could you be?

so i went and looked at a studio this morning and it was so nice and cute a perfect, but no bathroom mirror? what is that? plus they are asking for 815 a month plus utilities. which is way out of my price rang. so i have two more places i am looking at tomorrow. that are way cheaper and i hope are way nicer and they dint turn me down for having no credit at all. i guess we will just have to see. so if anyone hears anything opening up in the golden/ bankers hill or north park area please let me know.

i leave for Vegas Thursday morning and tonight i pick up my friend Alex from the airport. he's never been to San Diego before so i wanna show him around and have a good time while he is here. so maybe we shall go to my favorite hole, Livewire and to some tattoo shops so he can see how the good life really lives. haha.

my blood sugar has been on point for the last week and that makes me feel a lot better about leaving home for a few days. i was very nervous how it would pan out now that i am on insulin all the time. i have figured out how much i can eat to my insulin ratio and also how much i can drink. so yessss, poolside cocktails PLEASE!

i am planning a few trips this year and my major one is Canada in July. Wren (www.thewhitetrashprincess.blogspot.com) and i were planning a two week modeling road trip around the western coast of the US but no, she has to return to Canada because of health issues. so i have decided that i will go to Canada and visit her for those two weeks we were going to be gone together. I'm pretty excited about it. because i totally love that lady and i have never been to Canada. so a passport is needed and major saving is going to commence right after i get back from Vegas.

all in all I've got big plans for the rest of this year and I'm very excited to be single and doing everything on my own.

p.s. come get tattooed by me at Flesh Skin Grafix! 619-424-8983

Vegas, Baby, Vegas...With a Syringe

I'm really excited about finally being able to leave San Diego for a few days and get out to see my mom. it's going to be a fun trip but also a very emotional one. I'm going to make amends with my bio dad. He's been out of my life for about 8 years now and its time to get rid of all these stupid feelings and daddy issues. I'm nervous yet happy that I'm finally deciding to do it. after my last relationship i have realized that there is allot going on inside me that needs a lil special attention. i have changed so much since then (just about 5 months) and i feel like a better person for it. never be in love with someone who doesn't love you for exactly what you are. no bullshit.

i also found out that i am type 1 diabetic and am now insulin dependent. i never thought anything like this could ever happen to me. but there you go, turned 26 and then found out i have Juvenal diabetes. i am getting the hang of it and now feel alot better. there isn't much i have to change about my diet except for my love of cookies, ice cream and BREAD! i love bread, i don't know what i would ever do with out it. so now, i have to be very careful and watch how much i eat of all the things that i love and that are so very bad for me. i also have to switch up the sites that i use to inject the insulin, i got a pretty awesome bruises on my tummy. which totally bums me out but oh well, times are a chancing and well, I'm rolling with it.

on a more happier note, but also sad, 2 amazing Friends of mine, Ross and Vanessa, have left San Diego on a bike road trip across the US into New York, they will be missed but how fucking awesome is that!? true adventures for sure. you can follow their progress at www.nobaddaysfordays.blogspot.com and www.weareallsosmall.blogspot.com.

so i'll be posting pictures and such. tattoos and happenings in my crazy awesome life. so stay tuned or dont. you can also follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/drewlinden